Spoken introduction:
Another big news story of the year concerned the
ecumenical council in Rome, known as Vatican II.
Among the things they did, in an attempt to make
the church more... commercial, was to introduce
the vernacular into portions of the Mass to replace
Latin, and to widen somewhat the range of music
permissible in the liturgy. But I feel that if they
really want to sell a product in this secular age,
what they ought to do is to redo some of the liturgical
music in popular song forms. I have a modest example
here; it's called The Vatican Rag!

First you get down on your knees
Fiddle with your rosaries
Bow your head with great respect
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!

Do whatever steps you want if
You have cleared them with the Pontiff
Everybody say his own
Kyrie eleison
Doin' the Vatican Rag

Get in line in that processional
Step into that small confessional
There the guy who's got religion'll
Tell you if your sin's original
If it is, try playin' it safer
Drink the wine and chew the wafer
Two, four, six, eight
Time to transubstantiate!

So get down upon your knees
Fiddle with your rosaries
Bow your head with great respect
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!

Make a cross on your abdomen
When in Rome do like a Roman
Ave Maria
Gee, it's good to see ya
Gettin' ecstatic an' sorta dramatic an'
Doin' the Vatican Rag!