Wikia

LyricWiki

Tim Minchin:Ten Foot Cock & A Few Hundred Virgins Lyrics

Talk0
2,275,548pages on
this wiki
Tim Minchin
StarIconGreen
This song is performed by Tim Minchin.
Original video
So you're gonna live in Paradise
With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins

So you're gonna live in Paradise
With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins
So you're gonna sacrifice your life
For a ride on a UFO

And when the Lord comes down
With his shimmering chariot of salvation
You're gonna be the first to know

And so if...
God was there from the very beginning
He invented men and women
Then He also invented wanking
Then He said wanking was sinning

So if I'm feeling randy
I'm not allowed to hand-shandy
But having sex with my family
That is just fucking great
It's all there in Ezekiel 8

And just before He opens up His big pearly gate
And says that it's a sin
To take it up the date
Even if it's great
Even with your cowboy mate

So you're gonna live in Paradise
With a ten-foot cock and few hundred virgins
So you're gonna sacrifice your life
For a shot at the greener grass

And when the Lord comes down
With his shiny rod of judgment
He's gonna kick my heathen arse

So if you...
Cover the bodies of your women
Everybody is grinning
Because black is so slimming
Though it's not great for swimming

But it gives you an erection
With the increased sexual tension
What with the UV protection
That is second to none
You'll find it all in the Quran

Just next to the bit that justifies guns
And says that it's a sin
To take it up the bum
Even if it's fun
Even with permission from your mum

So you're gonna live in Paradise
With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins
So you're gonna sacrifice your life
For a shot at eternity

And when the Lord comes down
And I haven't done my penance
He's gonna disembowel me

You say that... if I...
Stumbled on a watch I'd assume it had a watchmaker
That a muffin presupposes a baker
So you must agree sooner or later
That this proves that there's a creator

So if I put my foot in a stinker
You'd assume the existence of a sphincter
Thus you don't need to be a great thinker
To conclude that God's a bum

Which negates the words of Genesis 1
Which made Him out to be so much fun
Until Adam succumbed to temptation
And then His only son got nailed to a gum

Or the Middle-Eastern equivalent
Which suggests that God's omniscience
Is nullified by His ambivalence
Unless it turns out that He's impotent

And if God can't get a boner
I guess that explains the plethora
Of huge erections in His honour
Because we all know a steeple's just a subconscious compensatory manifestation of a huge stiff penis

And still He tells us that it's heinous
To stick a penis up your anus
Even if you're famous
Even if you're good at tennis

So you're gonna live in Paradise
With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins
So you're gonna sacrifice your life
For a ride on a UFO

And when the Lord comes down
With his big stiff slippery rod of judgment...

I'm gonna be the first to go
He's gonna send me down below
He's gonna whip me like a little ho
Do you really think so?

I'm gonna be the first to go

Around Wikia's network

Random Wiki