Brandon Johnson
That last battle was crazy y'all
And we're still here in the thunder dome
Nobody's safe

My next man comin' up to y'all, is your man T.J. Miller
The only person who can battle a bear
That's right y'all, Yogi Bear y'all
It ain't fair, y'all

And his challenger, you know who he is
And if you don't know, get VH1 you broke motherfuckers
He's the voice of the e-trade baby, y'all!

Y'all know him as Pete Holmes
But we all know him as it-ain't-safe-to-go Holmes

(Battle, battle, battle, battle...)

Pete Holmes
<laughing>
I don't need to battle rap
Beat your ass with a snapple cap
Sip an Arnold Palmer, diss your ass with the 'fun fact'
No time to react, shut you down like CBGB
No one likes you, everybody loves me

It's easy to see, this MC has you beat
I'm so good at rappin', Aziz's got bits about meetin' me
She's outta my league, you're outta your depth, put it to rest
You put the 'bad' in Breaking Bad without even cooking meth

Shit's sterile, your hair looks like Will Ferrell
I just lynch your ass like motherlovin' Merrill
Is your name Merrill, Imma call you Merrill
More Splenda, Merrill? Purse Dog, Merrill?

T.J. Miller
Hey, hey, stop calling me Merrill for a second, okay?
You're supposed to take a break
That was longer than you're suppose to take
And why- what is with the rhymes? Like..
A bunch of that stuff was really hurtful.
Pete
I thought that was the idea..
T.J.
What was that she's outta my league stuff
And I wasn't even in Breaking Bad
The Aziz thing was funny, but what's up with the, like,
You don't say someone's sterile on their album.
Pete
I'm sorry, I-
T.J. Miller
Shut the fuck up, man.
Pete
We can do it again.
T.J.
Yeah, no, thanks for coming on the album.
Pete
Wait, T- .. TJ
<sigh> Alright...
TJ, TJ, mad talented, he's like a freak
I loved him in 'Get Him To The Greek'
Gulliver's Travels! - I feel like a sellout now
Yeah, making children smile!

You fucking sensitive, rich pussy.
-