Oh deary me
My little brother's in his bedroom smoking weed
I tell him he should get up 'cos it's nearly half past three
He can't be bothered 'cos he's high on THC

I ask him very nicely if he'd like a cup of tea
I can't even see him 'cos his room is so smoky
Don't understand how one can watch so much TV
My baby brother Alfie how I wish that you could see

I only say it 'cos I care
So please can you stop pulling my hair?
Now, now there's no need to swear
Please don't despair my dear mon frère

Oh Alfie get up it's a brand new day
I just can't sit back and watch you waste your life away
You need to get a job because the bills need to get paid
Get off your lazy arse, Alfie please use your brain

Surely there's some walls out there that you can go and spray
I'm feeling guiltier for leading you astray
Now how the hell do you ever expect that you'll get laid
When all you do is stay and play in your computer games?

I only say it 'cos I care
So please can you stop pulling my hair?
Now, now there's no need to swear
Please don't despair my dear mon frère

Oh little brother please refrain from doing that
I'm tryin' to help you out so can you stop being a twat?
It's time that you and I sat down and had a little chat
And look me in the eyes take off that stupid fitted cap

I only say it 'cos I care
So please can you stop pulling my hair?
Now, now there's no need to swear
Please don't despair
Please don't despair
My mon frère