As I came home on Monday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a horse outside the door where my old horse should be
So I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that horse outside the door where my old horse should be?

Ah, you're drunk,
you're drunk you silly old fool,
still you can not see
That's a lovely sow that me mother sent to me
Well, many is a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
But a sow with a saddle on sure I never seen before

Now as I came home on Tuesday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a coat behind the door where my old coat should be
So I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that coat behind the door where my old coat should be

Ah, you're drunk,
you're drunk you silly old fool,
still you can not see
That's a lovely blanket that me mother sent to me
Well, many is a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
But buttons in a blanket sure I never seen before

And as I went home on Wednesday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a pipe up on the chair where my old pipe should be
Well, I called the wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that pipe up on the chair where my old pipe should be

Ah, you're drunk,
you're drunk you silly old fool,
still you can not see
That's a lovely tin whistle that me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
But tobacco in a tin whistle sure I never seen before

And as I went home on Thursday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw two boots beneath the bed where my two boots should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns those boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be

Ah, you're drunk,
you're drunk you silly old fool,
still you can not see
They're two lovely Geranium pots me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
But laces in Geranium pots I never seen before

And as I went home on Friday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a head upon the bed where my old head should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that head upon the bed where my old head should be

Ah, you're drunk,
you're drunk you silly old fool,
Still you can not see
That's a baby boy that my mother send to me
Hey, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
But a baby boy with wiskers on ive never seen before