Eminem:The Real Slim Shady

(Talking)
May I have your attention please,
may I have your attention please,
will the real Slim Shady please stand up,
I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up.
we're gonna have a problem here...

Ya'll act like you never seen a white person before
jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door
and started whoopin her ass worse than before
they first were divorced throwing her over furniture (aaaaaaah)
It's the return of the..."aw... wait, no way, you're kidding,
he didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
and ((Dr. Dre)) said... nothing you idiots, Dr Dre's dead
he's locked in my basement (haha!)
feminist women love Eminem
chicka chicka chicka Slim Shady, "I'm sick of him, look at him
walkin around, grabbin his you know what flippin' to you know who"
"yeah, but he's so cute though"
yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
but no worse than what's goin on in your parents bedroom (eheheheh)
sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose
but can't, but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose.
My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips
and if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss
and that's the message that we deliver to little kids
and expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is
of course they're gonna know what intercourse is by the time they hit fourth grade
they got the Discovery Channel, don't they?
We ain't nothing but mammals. Well, some of us are cannibals
who cut other people open like cantaloupes.
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope (eww)
but if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes...

I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
all you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
so will the real Slim Shady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up
cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
all you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
so will the real Slim Shady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up

((Will Smith)) don't got to cuss in his raps to sell records
well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too.
You think I give a damn about a Grammy?
Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me.
"But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"
Why? So you guys can just lie to get me here?
So you can sit me here next to ((Britney Spears))?
((Christina Aguilera)) better switch me chairs,
so I can sit next to Carson Daly and ((Fred Durst))
and hear em argue over who she gave head to first.
Little bitch put me on blast on MTV
"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee hee"
I should download her audio on MP3
and show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD (aaaaaah)
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups all you do is annoy me
so I have been sent here to destroy you
and there's a million of us just like me, who cuss like me,
who just don't give a fuck like me, who dress like me,
walk, talk and act like me, and just might be
the next best thing, but not quite me...

Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
all you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
so will the real Slim Shady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up
cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
all you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
so will the real Slim Shady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up

I'm like a head trip to listen to
cause I'm only giving you things you joke about with your friends inside you livin' room
the only difference is I got the balls to say it in front of ya'll
and I don't gotta be false or sugar coated at all.
I just get on the mic and spit it
and whether you like to admit it (riiip) I just shit it
better than ninety percent of you rappers out can.
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like valiums, it's funny
Cause at the rate I'm going when I'm thirty
I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting
pinching nurses asses when I'm jackin off with Jergens
and I'm jerkin' but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working.
And every single person there's a slim shady lurkin
who could be workin at Burger King, spittin on your onion rings
or in the parking lot, circling, screamin "I don't give a fuck"
with his windows down and his system up.
So will the real Shady please stand up
and put one of those fingers on each hand up
and be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
and one more time, loud as you can, how's it go?

I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
all you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
so will the real Slim Shady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up
cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
all you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
so will the real Slim Shady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up

cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
all you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
so will the real Slim Shady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up
cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
all you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
so will the real Slim Shady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up

(Talking)
Haha guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us...
Fuck it, let's all stand up